Hell Yeah! Life®: Your Three Absolutes

Hey guys! Welcome to this week’s episode. It’s been a while. My dad passed away July 18th, 2022. He had a really bad wound that almost killed him. Doctors were able to perform surgery, and he was doing very well until he went to a wound-care facility and died of a UTI. It was devastating. I’m a daddy’s girl. But I’ve been adjusting well. My son came from Virginia to help me. And we spread his ashes last Saturday. I take comfort in work and routine, but I just didn’t have it in me to record a podcast until this week. And I’m excited to teach you this principle that has helped me keep obligations and unwise “yes’s” to things out of my schedule (i.e. manage my time well) and maintain what is really important to me. I call them my absolutes.

Absolutes defined

Absolutes are those things in your life that you absolutely won’t do without. They are activities, people that are important to you, or anything that you want your absolutes to be. You can start with one absolute or have several. I usually ask that my mentoring clients keep theirs to three.

My three absolutes are 1) God time; 2) exercise; and 3) coffee with my hubby every day at 5 PM.

how this works

What I’d like you to do is think of ONE THING that you know is an absolute for you. If you don’t have one, then think of something you’ve really wanted to pursue. Write it down. Next decide if it’s a daily, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly absolute. God time and exercise are on set days. My hubby is every day. You might also decide what time of day you will “perform” your absolute. God time for me is each day at 4:00 PM so I can end my work day strong. Exercise is Tuesday-Friday at either 1 or 3 PM. Because these are now habits, which did take some time, it’s like clockwork, but at first you might have to develop an absolute habit. I don’t have time to go into all the science behind creating habits, but if you schedule it, write it down so you for sure see it daily, and have your plan, you’ll get it figured out.

With the basics out of the way, I can show you how it works. With my absolutes, I say “no” to anything that is not an absolute emergency (notice how many times I’ve used the word absolute lol) that conflicts with my absolutes. I don’t schedule clients at 4 PM during God time unless I KNOW that I can spend that time with Him earlier. Even then, I’m very reluctant to do that because I don’t want to break my habit. Same thing with exercise. I schedule my days around my exercise time.

Having absolutes is also a healthy boundary for doing things or saying “yes” to things you really don’t want to do or that you do but know it will cost you an absolute. In the past, I was bad at saying “yes” to others out of a sense of obligation or people pleasing. I found myself committing to things I really, really did not want to do. Or I’d want to do something just as badly but realized that it would cost me an absolute; therefore, my answer was a big, fat, “no.” You see, whatever you say “yes” to will cost you time doing other things. And our society is way to dominated by obligations, tasks, and scheduling.

What I will sometimes do in those cases where I do want to be involved is I will ask if there are parts I can help with instead of the whole enchilada or commit a certain amount of time that isn’t in conflict with my absolutes. If I just can’t make it work, I will refer someone else that I think might do a great job or be an asset to the project.

The rewards

One of the best rewards of filtering all decisions and activities through my three absolutes is that I have time to do the things I want and be with the people I want to be with. People think I am the busiest person they’ve met and that I must not have any time for anything else but work. Not true. I am very wise and strategic with my business and time that allows me to craft out all the time I want to read, to spend evenings with my spouse, to listen to records, to watch the shows I like, and to rest.

Another reward is that it eliminated the people pleasing obligatory “yes’s” I’d give people. I no longer fear saying, “No.” My life is my own. I refuse to live under anyone’s expectations of what I do with my time, gifts, and skills. I try to be helpful even when declining an invitation, but I will not take on any guilt for doing so.

You have one life. You need to make sure it’s the one you want to live. 💯