How NOT To Be Awkward
transcript
Hi! Welcome to this week’s training. I’m Sherri Wilson, an educator, strategist, and introverted entrepreneur that empowers other introverted entrepreneurs the art of persuasion and influence so you can communicate your message clearly and confidently. Let’s jump right in!
My two fears
I have two fears when I’m talking to people:
Starting a conversation with them in a non-awkward way
Ending a conversation in a non-awkward way.
And I don’t want to be boring either, which I’m usually not so I’m good. Lol. Vanessa Van Edwards, who calls herself a “recovering awkward person,” said, “I think we can become boring out of fear” because we’re afraid of being rejected or we feel awkward.
“I don’t actually like dates. I get awkward as I never know what to do.”
And that fear ACTUALLY MAKES US AWKWARD because we become overly aware of how we’re “performing” making it worse. Guys, performing is not being REAL anyway! And being real is very important to introverts so don’t try to perform.
Here is an easy way to NOT be awkward and let people know you like them so they’ll like you in return:
Smile and say, “Hello.”
Seriously, that’s it. There’s science behind a genuine smile and if you’re not used to smile at people you don’t know, you better start practicing! I did. I’d smile every time I walked into a different room and then every time I saw my cat. I then graduated to smiling at strangers at the store, and then finished my training by smiling at people at the gym! That’s like a doctorate from smiling college!
This simple act of smiling and saying, “Hello” and even adding this, “My name is Sherri. What’s your name?” is all it takes to start a conversation and avoid being awkward from the start!
can’t I just send out friend signals and not talk?
No.
Research has revealed a condition (I swear it’s an introvert condition) called SIGNAL AMPLICATION BIAS where people tend to think their social cues are obvious but they aren’t. We fear rejection so we either don’t cue at all or we’re so subtle they’re missed.
Let me give you an example. IT TAKES 13 DIRECT GLANCES FROM A WOMAN BEFORE HER INTENDED WILL APPROACH HER. 13!
Now what?
Once you’ve initiated the conversation, now need to keep it from GETTING awkward. And it’s pretty easy, too.
You simply ask them what brought them there or what they hope to get out of it (like if it’s a convention, conference, etc.).
Then look for similar values and interests that you can use to keep the conversation going. And if you’re brave, do a fist bump or high five when you find those similarities, especially the ones you’re most passionate about.
And, please, don’t be afraid of pauses in conversation. It’s normal. If you’re afraid of them, you’ll get all nervous and then start rambling making things really weird.
And, finally, BE REAL! UCLA discovered that out of 500 adjectives connected to likeability, the top were sincere, transparent, and capability for understanding NOT smart, attractive, or extroverted. PEOPLE LIKE REAL.
“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”
The capability for understanding is powerful. Scientists have discovered that when a person feels understood, it literally creates new neural pathways in the brain. It can also reframe a bad memory into something more positive.
This is great for us entrepreneurs because we can show that we understand our clients and reframe any negative experiences they might’ve had with someone else in our industry by being understanding and making sure they have a powerful, positive experience with you. I think not being listened to or understood is a universal pet peeve when doing business with others!